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the secret to life...
replace one worry with another..*
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at this point of my life, i find myself searching for something i am uncertain of. life's been good to me, no heartbreak, no unbearable struggles, no drama. it's not that i am unhappy with this life, but somehow this loneliness just lingers in my mind. i hope to graduate this year and i've eliminated distractions such as work to try to concentrate more on school. i have nothing to keep me busy except school and somehow there still isn't enough hours in a day to accomplish everything. i find myself arguing with reason as i stare blankly into my desklight. i ask myself, "is this it? i finish school, follow this career path, i earn, i live then what? why do i have to do these things just to live?" it's a question most people ask "what is the meaning of life? why is there life?" but it's a question that's been riddling me for the longest time. i don't doubt God's existence nor His reasons to put me in this situation. basically, life is boring me at the moment. i know what i want to do in my life, but don't see why i have to want the things i want. it doesn't excite me the way its supposed to. i look forward to finally accopmlishing my goals, but its not something i'd jump for joy for. they say "life is what you make it", but how do i not make it boring? it's my choice, i know and common advice is FIND a new hobby, FIND something that makes you happy, FIND, FIND, FIND. never thought living needed so much effort. it's human nature to always want what we don't have, so what happens when you find something that makes you happy but you can't have it? do you search some more? and what if you searched again and again, found something else but still can't have it then decide you wait for it to find you? then what? it's exhausting. i'm just not contented with my life, try to be, but i don't see the point though. so i asked myself again, "what do i live for?" i live for midnight conversations and laughs, lyrics and songs worth sharing, catching up with friends over dinner or a movie, reminscing what was and dreaming of what could be. then again, these things aren't really there anymore and i'm back to the same questions. how does one live? what more is there to live for? what else is there?

some things don't last forever, but some things do.
like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory
you can take out and unfold in your darkest times,
pressing down on the corners and peering in close,
hoping you still recognize the person you see there.

The hardest part is waking up in the morning
remembering what you were trying to forget last night

If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disapoint them. - My Sister's Keeper

It's better to cross the line and suffer the consequences
than to just stare at the line for the rest of your life.

you've only got three choices in life:

give up, give in, or give it all you've got.
...  i gave in, gave it all i had and now i'm giving up

you change for one of two reasons *
either you learn enough to want to.
or you've been hurt enough you have to.

I think your
grows back bigger
. you know...
once it gets
the shit beaten out of it.

*ewww.. emoness. haha!

my love
was a privilege that you abused.
I have withdrawn that privilege,
you are out of my heart.
I wish you nothing but unending guilt.

-Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

*after a while, got to do what's best for you.

2nd-Jan-2009 08:54 am - confusion.
both very powerful, both true.
an irony right? which should one live by?

don't settle for the one you can live with,
wait for the one you can't live without.


if you can't have the one you love,
love the one you have.

*.. just so everyone knows. THIS POST WAS NOT INTENDED TO INSINUATE ANYTHING. okay? =)

and when she finally forgets you,
don't you dare remember her.

the next time my name starts
to come out of your mouth,
i hope you choke on it.

why do you blame her for leaving?
you're the one who just stood
and watched her walk away.

6th-May-2008 03:28 am - dawson's creek emoness.
*this is what you end up with after you watch dawson's creek for 4 days. emoness and tons of dawson's creek emoness. i ♥ dawson's creek the same way i love one tree hill and the hills. i'd watch it over and over again.

"If people are truly, madly, deeply in love with each other, they will find a way."

"You can't choose what you love, it chooses you."

"Love has this horrible habit of messing everything up."

"There is no time constraint on how long you can care about someone. No limit on how much, especially if they've been so much a part of your life already."

"I'm sitting here with my best friend and my palms are sweating."

"If you can't understand why we can't be just friends. If you can't understand that...then you don't understand me at all."

"Ever have one of those days you wish you could start all over again?"

"I understand. I'm tired of understanding. All I do is understand."

"We can't talk like we used to. There's just some things we can't say."

"I looked at him and he looked at me and for that split second it was like we forgave each other for everything."

"You wanted a kiss. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for everything that comes with that kiss? Cause it doesn't end with a fade out. There are reprocussions. Hearts get broken. Friendships get ruined. Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss. That's what you have to look forward to. Do yourself a big favor. Don't rush it."

"I don't believe in perfect love, but I do believe that there are people whos lives are interwined. Who have a bond that lasts forever. That can never be broken, and she needs you now man. You're the only one that knows her whole history. You're the only one who knows what she's going through."

"You're probably right...I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other...doesn't mean you're right for each other now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone...or cry."

"How can you simply be friends with someone when everytime you look at them all you think about is how much more you really want them?"

"This guy didn't know you. I don't care how you felt about him. He didn't know you because if he did, he never would have walked away from you."

"So, how do you date one guy while you're still in love with another?"

"It's tearing me up on the inside to have these feelings for you, but I can't get rid of them."

"If we are truly meant to be, then we will find our way back to each other. It's as simple as that."
"I'd like to tell todays youth that no matter where life takes you...big cities, small towns, you'll eventually come across small minds, people who think they are better than you are. People who think that material things or being pretty or popular automatically makes you a worthwhile human being. I'd like to tell todays youth that none of these things matter, unless you have a strength of character, integrity, sense of pride, and if you're lucky to have any of these things don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, please don't judge them by their station in life. Cause who knows...that person might end up being your best friend."

"No matter where you are, no matter where your life may take you, and no matter who you're with, you'll always have a piece of my heart."

"When a girl hates you the way she hates you, it really means that she likes you. That's basic kindergarden psychology."

"I have always believed in you. I mean you're the most extraordinary talented person that I've ever met. I'm your biggest fan."

"I just want you to know that if you ever need me I'll always be here for you and all you ever have to do is ask."

"Just because we don't say certain things, doesn't mean we don't feel them."

"You're born and you die and you make a lot of mistakes in between."

"I'm a firm believer that sometimes it's right to do the wrong thing."

"If two people are meant for each other, it doesn't mean that they are meant for each other now."

"It's not like I wanted to be the one holding your hand. I just didn't want her to be the one holding it."

"To love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving, that is romance."

"You don't come across that many people that give you butterflys, you just don't."

"You know you really love someone when you can spend the entire night just sitting by a fire watching them sleep."

"The only reason that you don't have answers is because you've been too scared to ask yourself the right questions."

"It was the end of something simple, and the beginning of everything else."

"What you have to know about me...what I'm just starting to understand about myself...is that until I look at myself without judgement, or condemnation...I'm not ready for anyone."

"There are certain people who are not meant to fit in your life, no matter how much you want them to be."

"Letting go isn't a one time thing, it's something you have to do over and over again-everyday."

"I used to be able to look into your eyes and know everything you were thinking. These days, I haven't a clue."

"It's great to have someone you know so well that you don't even have to verbalize what you're thinking most of the time. The other person just gets it, picks up on it."

"remember: to love is to live."

"I'm just saying thank you. You reminded me of what I'm capable of feeling. It's like I was walking around seeing my life through a smudged window, and then I saw you and the smudges were gone. The window was clean."

"You and I are meant to be together.
Period. The end.
Cue happy ending music."

"Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations. But there are those times, when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly. And it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it."

"But that's just it, the butterflies never seem to accompany the right people. And all the guys who are right for you, they never make your stomach go flip flop."

"In the end,
you always go back
to the people that were there
from the beginning."

"You grow up, and it gets harder to believe in things like soul mates and destiny and magic, things that came so easily when I was younger."

"someone out there is meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soulmate, the one you can tell your dreams to. he'll smile at you when you tell him, but he'll never laugh at your heart. he'll brush the hair out of your eyes and send you flowers when you least expect it. he'll call you to tell you goodnight before you get into bed or just because he is thinking about you. he'll be bursting to talk to you each morning just to hear the sound of your voice. he'll look into your eyes and tell you that you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and for the first time in your life ... you'll believe it."

"You're probably right...I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other, it doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone...or cry."

"so yeah maybe we didn’t talk this summer, and who knows maybe we'll find ourselves talking less and less as time goes on and life gets more and more in the way, but, I don’t feel it, cause you're with me everywhere I go"

"That's why I wanted to see you. You're a touchstone. You take me back to this nice, safe place where crushes never end and hearts can't be broken."

"you keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and you're gonna bleed to death"

"At a certain point, the whole thing just becomes too much to process, and your brain gets taken out of the loop, and all you have to rely on is your heart, your natural human instincts. It's liberating... not at first of course, at first it's terrifying, like falling... but that's the point, isn't it?"

"This is one of those rare milestone events that separates the first half of your life from everything that follows"

"What you think you're leaving behind here, it's just going to be that much bigger when you return.

"You’re the guy that builds this fantastic world; you just let the rest of us live in it."

"I looked at him, and he looked at me, and for that split second it was like we forgave each other for everything"  

"Growing up does not have to equal growing apart"  

"Love does not conquer all.  Love ends and begins again."  

"How’s that for Irony, huh? …Bad girl throws up on a white picket fence… Don’t be disgusted by me Dawson, deal with me, okay, accept me, and accept the fact that there are people in this world that don’t need saving"  

"You know…I don’t think I'll ever be happy...no matter where I am, I'll always want to be some place else. No matter what I have, I'll always want something different"  

"You wanna know what the worst part about death is? It has this horrible tendency of putting everyone in a really bad mood. When I go, I want to go in a way in which it makes everybody laugh. You know, like, no matter how sudden or tragic the circumstances, you just can't help but laugh... like getting run over by a car full of clowns. That's kinda funny, right? You smiled. Mission accomplished."  

"Once upon a time in a galaxy not entirely unlike our own, there was a girl. There was nothing extraordinary about this girl. She was by her own estimation a relatively simple sort, yet she was cursed. For as long as she could remember, her romantic life had been something of a disaster. Boys either fell too hard, too fast, or not at all. She had long since given up on the notion of a functional relationship, which is why, in the winter of her 19th year, she was surprised to find herself in the company of a boy who made her feel as if the curse had been lifted... if only temporarily."  

"I wonder if one day when you look back on your life you'll see it’s not always about the big picture. It's really all about the moments and maybe one day you'll look back and string all those moments together and then you'll realize when you add them all up, your life is more meaningful than you could have dreamed."  

"Don't let yourself be so angry you stop loving. Because one day you'll wake up from the anger, and the person you love will be gone."  

"It seems that every relationship produces its share of disappointments, insecurity, and pain. Anyone who's never been hurt is either very lucky, or very lonely."  

"You know, it's weird how you still love the person, you just stop needing them the way you used to."

"You can't even cry, can you? Something has been taken away from you. You're numb. And you know what? I think you're grateful for it. No wonder you're afraid of ending up alone. Because the day you are, you're going to have to look inside yourself, and see what I've known for a long time. That there's nothing there."  

"Us, me and you, Pace, we grew up together. You see, Dawson and I, we didn't grow up. We are in that house, in Dawson's bedroom, eternally having the same argument over and over again, in this endless cycle that goes on and on, and I can't stop it. Because whenever I'm around him, I become 15."  

"Somewhere in the middle something about us makes sense."

"You know I used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and every time you walked by I lost myself, do you know what that feels like? And you couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, I’m sorry if you miss the way I looked at you, but I don’t miss the way you never looked at me"  

"I wanted to write about falling in love and why it can't last but that at the same time how it lasts forever"  

"Maybe it's the only way that we can finally stand on our own. Ya know, to hurt each other so much that we have no choice but to let go... maybe otherwise we never would."

"You live in a world of black and white and I see pieces of gray… that's the difference between you and me. That's what made me fall in love with you, and that's what is tearing us apart." "Do you ever wish you could just rewind your life?"  

"And the sad part is, that no matter what goes on this year, when you come running back to me again, you know I'll be here."  

"Dreams aren't perfect. They come true, not free."  

"Maybe some friendships aren't meant to be saved...maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our life with certain people...and then move on."  

"Have faith that things will work out for the best…that whatever sent us off in different directions is the very same thing that will bring us back together."  

"Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again, your opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper goodbye to the old one, you don’t want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you'll never get them back again, so enjoy this time, let it wash over you so that your memories of it are strong"  

"We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't know anything. We're really young and we're gonna screw-up a lot. We're gonna keep changing our minds and even sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness."

"The truth is in time that’s all we'll be to each other anyway, a population of memories, some wonderful and endearing, some less so, but taken together, these memories help make us who we are and who we will be"  

"I called because I wanted you to know that despite everything that's happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning."  

"Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few you should hold on…the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young" "Friends give you the worst of news with the best of intentions." 

"That's right. I'm done trying to turn my life into some exciting movie, because you know what? I only end up getting disappointed. Like when I started seeing her, I thought, okay, you know what? From now on, everything's gonna be some big epic romance. You know, tortured and passionate and romantic, with some big happy ending. Wasn't that at all. The characters were flawed and uninspired, the love scenes were amateurish, to say the least, and the ending was definitely not happy. It wasn't even tragic. It just ended."  

"You've taught me that love can suck. That feelings can change, passion will fade, partners will come and go, but through it all, one thing remains sacred: Friendship."  

"Did it ever occur to you that you're so caught up in trying to make the right choice that you've never stopped to consider the possibility that there may not be a right choice, or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?"  

"My life was a sea of conflicting emotions… but the one thing that kept me going was our bond… our connection made me feel like I wasn't alone and part of something special. I'm not whining about being friends or not, but I'm not feeling that connection anymore and it scares me."

"Every night before I go to sleep I lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls.  I try to imagine the future, but right now it's as blank as those walls.  All I can see is a past that I barely recognize anymore"

"Everything changes eventually, that's just the way life is.  You have no control over it.  Suddenly people you think are always going to be there, they just disappear.  People go on, and they move away, and they grow up."

"If we weren't so afraid to let go we wouldn't feel so free when we finally did."

"So the only thing I could think of that unites us all, that we all have in common, is that we start out in kindergarten thinking we can be anything we want to be, and by the time we get here, we've all lost that feeling, we've all started to believe whatever our friends or our parents have told us about what we can achieve in life, and who we can be, and we've forgotten about the possibility we had when we were younger, that’s the one thing we all have in common, so that’s the symbol on this mural means, possibility, I painted it because I thought we could all use a little daily reminder of the fact that if you believe in yourself, even when the odds seem stacked against you, anything is possible"

"Life is desperate.  Life is chances you never get to take back."

"I also wanted to remind you that even though sometimes my emotions, particularly heartache, get the best of me, I still hear you. No matter how much we yell, or no matter how quiet you are... I hear you."

"It’s like I’m drowning and you’re just describing the water"

1st-May-2008 06:22 am - Life Is Short [5.15]

: Peyton are you really in love with Lucas or are you just in love with the idea of Lucas?
: If I'm being honest, maybe a little bit of both. I think I miss what I thought we would be.

Lucas: Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to belive you made the most of what life gave you. You want to belive you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.

30th-Apr-2008 06:47 am - rawr
Remember when we first met? We laughed and smiled together. It was a perfect moment... We didn't even know each other.

Did you know: A shrimps heart is in it's head.
t's ironic how when you're lonely, the entire world seems to be in love.

whenever you smile, I smile back, but on the inside I'm having a heart attack.

Every song ends, but that's no reason not to enjoy the music.
                                                -The OC

If you love me, you have to love all the things about me.
                              -Dirty Dancing

It's ridiculous how many times your name happens to just slip out of my mouth during the day

*more quotables from books, TV etc.

To him, I was a commitment that had become more of a burden than an asset, and his time was just too precious to waste.
-The Truth About Forever

And if I were you, I'd be glad to be rid of him.  Because anyone that can make you feel that bad about yourself is toxic.
-The Truth About Forever

We both know life is short. Too short.  Too short to waste a single second without anyone who doesn't appreciate you.
-The Truth About Forever

But if something was really important, fate made sure it somehow came back to you and gave you another chance.
-The Truth About Forever

Sometimes it's easier to say you don't care, than to explain all the reasons why you do.
-Sex and the City

If love is blind then friendship could use some glasses too.
-The Dashwood Sisters' Secrets of Love

Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true.  But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable.  You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold, and it's enough to break your heart.
-Nicholas Sparks

It's funny how you still love the person, but you stop needing them like you used to. 
-Dawson's Creek

  Above all else, guard your heart,
     for it is the wellspring of life.

                                      Proverbs 4:23

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